All Was Nothing In The Time Of Champions: Affirmations, Poems, & Meditations — Sampler
Teaser for my new chapbook, now available on Amazon.com. E-book available on 6/18.
As a born writer, your life purpose is to publish a book. The road to publishing is never easy. You get used to publishers telling you no, doors slammed in your face, and dealing with the subsequent sense of failure afterward. Especially when it comes to poetry. You almost always have to be a famous poet in order to publish a poetry book. That’s just how it works.
Self-publishing is the simplest way to get your message out there, without fear of someone telling you no. That’s why I particularly love this website, Medium. There’s so many brilliant, self-motivated writers who simply want to contribute to a conversation.
Books, however, are an entirely different beast altogether. It takes knowhow, guts, and creativity to compile an entire body of work and make it make sense. No to mention commission the artwork, spending hours poring over minutia, and EDITING! My god, the editing… It get’s much better by the second book, though, having already learned the lesson that perfectionism, especially in self-publishing, is never the goal. You’ll work yourself into the ground.
I’d like to introduce you to my second body of work, “All Was Nothing in the Time of Champions.” A collection of short affirmations, poetry, and personal thoughts and meditations on many topics rolling around in my psyche the last couple of years.
Sections: There are 3 sections, and 3 represents to me the connection of mind, body, and spirit. It also represents creativity in numerology. Each of these are represented in every part of this book in some way or another, but definitely represented by the cover art.
Art: The cover art was hand-painted by my artist friend Ryan Sterling, and digitized by his partner, Les. Based off the imagery of Da Vinci’s Vitruvian Man, there are 3 parts (just like the book) representing mind, body, and spirit. I couldn’t be more pleased with the outcome. Thank you guys.
Also, if you like the artwork, there are prints of this and many more pieces they have done available at www.spiritcraeft.com.
Welcome AWNITTOC, I hope that you enjoy it.
Affirmations
Affirmations is mostly short-form thoughts that were intended to make myself feel better during some recent turbulent moments. However, I felt compelled to include them in this book because it felt like a body of work in and of itself. I also felt that others could benefit from the positive messaging in it. Food for the spirit, if you will.
Don’t Rush
Don’t be in too much of a rush to grow up,
There’s magic in the way you look at the world in
wide-eyed amazement
It’s All Okay
It’s okay to have a bad day.
It’s okay to make mistakes.
It’s okay to feel angry.
Just remember to breathe.
Not everything requires an immediate reaction.
The universe always finds ways of correcting itself.
You are still loved unconditionally.
Shadows
Overcoming our shadows is a process
We are certain to fall back into old patterns, habits, or to drag along that emotional baggage from the past from time to time.
What only matters is how we analyze, accept, and choose to work with those parts of ourselves that stay hidden.
Love your shadow, for it’s still a part of you.
Authentic
You are completely, authentically you
Some people may not get it
Or they may just act terribly to you
Authenticity upsets people because they don’t have the luxury
To be completely themselves
You were born to break the mold
Never mind the haters
Just keep on doing you
You got this
Unstruck Heart
An unstruck heart is one that continues to love even after being broken. Once it’s thrown on the ground, it still see’s no other choice than to get right back up and love again.
Poems
Poems is by far the most creative I’ve felt when writing. I never really had the confidence in my first book, “Bitter Blue Pill,” but this time around I felt like I found my voice. Some of the pieces I believe to have been channeled, such as “Revelation Profound,” which I wrote in 10 minutes, word for word, with basically no edits. I’ve never had that happen before. I think that this section definitely speaks to the mind and what it is truly capable of.
Skin
All these bodies crowding me
I cannot feel my way through
I’m swimming in a sea of skin
Tipping toes out my bedroom
Nothing seems to permeate
Like the smell of your perfume
All these fingers clasping me
Keep me locked inside this tomb
I always seem to forget how
To escape when I feel doomed
All these bodies turn to dust
My nose burning from their fumes
But what is skin but drapery
That hangs down from my bones
I’ll leave my mark upon the flesh
To feel this skin again as home
Chasing Rainbows
Your mental state is in a rut, honey
Let’s go get some fresh air
Eat at your favorite restaurant
Or soak up some sunshine
You don’t need to keep chasing rainbows
Because the chase is what you love
It always hurts in the end, honey
For you never can quite catch the rays
It’s a pleasant image though isn’t it?
So bright and full of life
You don’t realize that that is in you too
For your colors shine brighter than most
Your heart is on your sleeve again, honey
Let’s forget about other rainbows
Keep showing your own colors, loudly
And don’t forget that you are loved
Stay Golden, Ponyboy
Strangers don’t keep you golden, ponyboy
Don’t let them steal your shine
Here you are again so lost, ponyboy
I see the damage you’re trying to hide
Everyone’s focused on their grind, ponyboy
Looking for someone to share it all
Finding yourself drunk and alone, ponyboy
Chasing guys who won’t return your calls
Stolen your shine once again, ponyboy
There isn’t much else left to say
There is always time to polish up, ponyboy
You’re golden, you’ll shine again one day
Lifelines
Scattered amongst the ruined vessel
I walk amongst the wreckage while I find pieces of my previous life
The things I once held close to me I’ve somehow destroyed
How did I get myself into this mess and how do I get out?
Lost amongst the splintered wood chips and empty shipping barrels
I stumble on an old notebook
I open the leather bound pages and to my surprise it’s my own handwriting
Each word on the page is a note to myself, written by myself some time ago
Encouraging me to never give up, to keep pushing, and to keep trying
I hear them whispering of accolades and triumphs, and of battles yet to be won
These messages litter the pages and cast out their lifelines to spare my wretched soul
I finally realize that I’ve always looked after myself, even before I sunk my own ship
I must trust in myself, for there is no other key to salvation
Don’t allow your ship to sink for good, you can always rebuild and set sail once again
Crazy
They all say that I am crazy
That could very well be true
The madness I have brought upon
All the tantrums that I’ve threw
I can hear them whispering
Are they voices in my head?
They have all been telling me
That I’d be better off while dead
They all say that I am crazy
At least that is halfway true
I’ll double down and leave this town
Just to spare my crazy from you
I urge you all my innocence
I never sought to cause you harm
Now I’m in this padded room
I can’t escape the voices’ charms
They all say that I am crazy
I don’t believe it to be true
So now I say that you’re all nuts
For the madness you put me through
What is crazy about all
The good I’ve tried to do?
I thank this crazy mind of mine
For it’s unique point of view
Revelation Profound
The stars align and through their eyes
They see what deeply hides
The darkest side of the moonlit night
Light and shadow, intertwined
Within the psyche, clash almighty
All walls of fortress die
And break anew, you’ve come unglued
Hidden knowledge you imbibe
It shakes your core, after you soar
Fly high all through the night
Your battles fought, at last they sought
Conquered mountains with their might
Meditations
Meditations is where you will find the namesake, “All Was Nothing in the Time of Champions.” I wrote this one after waking up from a very vivid dream. I wanted it to come first in the section because as we transition from the mind back into our body — ala from asleep to awake — sometimes we find messages in the things leftover. The rest of the section is varied in length, some are short essays or personal stories from my past, and some are just thoughts about things in the present moment.
All Was Nothing In The Time Of Champions
I had a dream tonight and all that stuck out to me was a single phrase
“All was nothing in the time of champions”
This was in reference a book that exists in perhaps another dream-like universe
It began as an op-Ed for an art show I was hosting that weekend
Old friends had visited hoping to see me
The words were repeated from the friendly faces all around and from good-will-wishers who’s faces I couldn’t quite remember
I woke up with the freshness of the words on my skin just like the sun was grazing my face upon waking
“All Was Nothing In The Time Of Champions”
Just what did they mean?
The words were etched out in front of my eyes like stone tablets after the crusades
They haunted my brain all day an night like some ghastly specter rattling chains in my attic
I felt words possessed the magnitude and breadth of an Ayn Rand-ian novel which exists only in the bowels of my subconscious
The phrase crossed my mind all day and all night, I repeated them with every breath I had
“All was nothing in the time of champions”
They meant nothing, no google search, no encyclopedia page, no books were written with this phrase
Why was this repeated to me? From the mouths of old friends to the pages of my own fictional dream book
The nonsense seemed to slip back into the black glossy mass of my imagination as the words pressed against the inside of my skull
They reverberated all around me and tickled my ears when I spoke them
“All was nothing in the time of champions”
A phrase that means nothing but carries the weight of everything around it
A phrase that is meant to motivate and warn those who haven’t yet given up the fight
It is meant for those who let themselves stand in their own way of greatness
It is meant for everyone who has ever been made to feel weak or less than
It is the battle cry for the new millennia and is burned into the hearts and souls of our loved ones
It is the words spewed out of my own head, meant to give me the strength needed to continue on and meant to share with others who have no will of their own
“All was nothing in the time of champions…”
is everything that never was but always will be
Los Angeles Haze
There’s something very strange about LA:
It’s as if people walk around in a haze
An invisible mist that confounds them
And turns them into husks of their former selves
They remain blissfully ignorant, making mistakes as if they were on purpose
Meanwhile they sit there quietly choking on the fictitious beauty around them
There is darkness in the city, lurking between neon signs and golden streets
Grasping those who dare to suck the air from hades
Letting the shadows envelope their lungs then swap bodies with their host
Despite the name, this place isn’t holy
Angels do not dare travel in its desperate wake
While it churns the bodies it consumes into a weeping, glittering Black Sea
On Gay Life
Gay life is vibrant, beautiful, and complicated
Each of us has daddy issues, self-esteem issues, and intimacy issues at play in each of our relationships, many of which we are completely unaware of
Sex if fun. It offers us an opportunity to connect on a deeper level with each other, especially in a world where true connection is increasingly difficult to come by
Partying offers a way to meet new people and to find our tribes, many of which could become our friends for life
But safety and mental health should also be a priority, perhaps the most important one
Have your sex, do your drugs, dance the night away, but only if you have taken care of yourself first
Don’t fall into the escapist trap our kind is so easily played into
On Sex
Sex is a way to connect with one another
It’s a way for us to explore each other on a deeper level
When you find someone who you connect with emotionally or intellectually, where do you think your mind goes next?
Sex
It’s our primal mode of satisfaction and to feel a sense of togetherness with another human
Sex can also be a detriment
If we’re unbalanced, or if we’re depressed, what do we do to escape those feelings?
Right
We have sex
We lose ourselves in another person because we simply cannot bear to be alone
We long for the connection so much that it actually becomes our weakness
People take advantage of this
They will use that trusting nature you have to exploit it, to use you for their own selfish means
The truth is, they crave connection just as you do
If you show them compassion, connection, or respect in such a way that is personal to them, they are disarmed
They cannot possibly stand up to themselves, because in the end you are simply a reflection
Suspension of Disbelief
Watching a movie or a play is an exercise in imagination. We know that that actress isn’t that character she plays, or that the guy who’s pursuing her is just playing a role.
Enjoying a movie or a play means knowing what is happening in front of us isn’t real, but still choosing to believe anyway.
That is how faith works.
Faith helps us navigate in the darkness, and shows us that some things are simply meant to be enjoyed.
However, blind faith can pull the wool over our eyes,and lead us into unknown territory. It can be a detriment.
It’s when we choose to consciously take the silver screen down, and really see the parts the characters are playing, that we find the true essence of life — that it’s all a show and that it’s simply meant to be enjoyed.
Having that little tinge of faith can make even the most mundane of experiences magical.
Suspend your disbelief just a little bit, and watch everything you see can become that much more beautiful.
Summer Memories
One humid summer, I flew to a place I had never been, simply to experience the world elsewhere and to live day by day.
Some highlights:
*Being shown all around D.C. by a park ranger who I stayed with temporarily
*Dance parties with my fabulously queer hotel neighbor who had the same adventurous spirit as me
*Romantic midnight Bird scooter rides with a new lover
*Extending my stay in D.C. for another day with said lover
*A scenic Greyhound ride to New York
*Being the only person in a newly remodeled hotel — literally not even a worker at the desk was there
*Pizza and garlic knots from the corner shop in Chelsea
*My smashed finger swelling to resemble a grape and draining the blood myself with a safety pin
*Losing my favorite ring in Washington Square Park
*Saving the life of a complete stranger
*Another Greyhound ride, heading to Boston, set to the tune of a manic, possibly psychotic passenger
*Offering the troubled passenger my weed pen to use in the bathroom, and the subsequent calmness the rest of the way
*Cobblestone alleyways and haunted churches
*Ben Franklin’s gravestone
*Being serenaded by a street performer
*Rain clouds are parting ways
*Randomly running into an old coworker from Seattle at the grocery store
*Visiting with an old friend, having truth revealed, and receiving clarity and closure
*Nude selfies in a Hilton window
*Love quadrangles, astrology readings, and lottery tickets
Moral of the story, never regret the chance to grow
Always jump at the opportunity for an adventure
I certainly hope you enjoyed reading this. If you would like to support me and my art, please purchase my book on Amazon. ❤
-Demi
