A Deviant’s Guide to Conscious Sexuality

Demitri Wylde
7 min readNov 20, 2023

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Tips on consciously enhancing your sex life and overall sexual experience.

Art by Olillia (used with permission) — Instagram: @og.olillia.art

Sex: (noun)

“intimate contact between individuals, usually involving penetration, and typically culminating in orgasm.”

Sex is one of the most intimate acts that one can share with another person. In many cultures and in many forms of spiritual meditations, it is widely considered to be a sacred act. such as in Tantra, where it is widely considered to be a key to connecting to the Divine.

Sex is intriguing, enticing, and also deeply mystifying. Despite most of us having the “clinical” understanding of it, perhaps spending an unorthodox amount of time browsing PorhHub, and presumably engaging in it once or twice, it’s safe to say most people don’t really know how to have it properly. At least the way it’s meant to be had.

Sex is more than just a way to get your rocks off, it’s about connection, intimacy, and sharing space. Sex is pure magic expression and should be treated as such. The Tantric yogis had a very different understanding of what sex is. It is about cultivating awareness, strengthening our connection to the Divine, and blending souls. A truly magical practice!

So here, dear readers, in order to help you cultivate a richer sex life that is full of purpose, I have compiled some ways to bring a little more magic into your sex life.

Going the distance pays dividends.

It may sound cliché, but music and ambiance really do make a difference, even if only for a brief encounter. You don’t have to be in a relationship to think about romance. Sprinkling in a little fairy dusting of romance can really set the tone for a fun session.

Take the time to create a sexy playlist for the occasion. Or perhaps light some candles or incense. Engage ALL of your senses! Simple things can create something magical that you won’t forget anytime soon.

Dare to make an impression! It costs $0 to make someone feel special, so there’s no reason not to. Little things like this could be what stands between a one night stand and a repeat encounter.

Pay attention to the things unsaid.

Selfishness isn’t a good look on anyone, especially in the sack. If you’re in it just to c*m, you don’t need another person there. You could have just handled that yourself with a fistful of Jergen’s and a box of Kleenex.

It’s important to be in touch with what your partner’s body is saying to you. Squirming and squeaming is a sure sign that you’re doing something uncomfortable, or perhaps even hurting your partner. Pain usually isn’t much fun (unless you’re into it.)

Sexuality is an exercise in body language. It takes two to tango so be sure you are hitting the right steps, and not stomping on your partners toes in the process. Relax, slow it down, and listen to the things that are said without words.

Express yourself, don’t repress yourself!

Giacomo Casanova was widely seen as “The World’s Greatest Lover.” He was born April 2nd, 1725 in Venice, Italy, and he was a brilliant storyteller, writer, and entrepreneur. He reportedly left a trail of very satisfied lovers (and angry husbands) all over Europe, and wrote 6 books of his sexual conquests. He was also a con artist, a liar, and a womanizer, but that’s all to be said that he had a way with his words. He knew that when seducing someone, it’s important to know how to communicate.

And that goes for both partners! It’s fine to check in to make sure what you are doing feels good for the other person. Ask questions to each other like like “what do you like?” or “Does that feel good?” If something doesn’t feel right, speak on it! Communicating openly really shows that you are involved in the activity to your partner.

It may seem awkward to talk or ask questions, but first of all, you don’t need to recite a monologue. But doing a little check in, for me, really helps. Pro tip: it can actually double as dirty talk! Think: “yeah, you like that (baby, daddy, etc.)?” Just channel “The World’s Greatest Lover,” Casanova, and just make it sound sexy.

Make sex fun again!

Just because they call it “the business” doesn’t mean it has to feel that way. Sex is naturally messy, titilating, and damn does it feel good. It’s really the only time we can play as kids again, but you know, as adults.

Tickling, dressing up, playing with toys? Even the verbiage we use to describe sex gives off the idea of play. We often forget how to play when we become adults. Incorporating play into your sex life can really spice things up. Make a game out of it: whoever lasts longest, wins — and whoever c*ms first, has to make dinner. Boom.

Hooking up? Loosen up! Check your hang-ups and baggage at the door, and don’t forget to have fun. There’s nothing wrong with making sex more like playtime. It may be the only time you are allowed to roll around in the sandbox as an adult, without all the weird looks.

Art by Olillia (used with permission) — Instagram: @og.olillia.art

It’s more of a marathon than a race

Slow down! Not everyone moves at the same speed, and that goes for sexually also. Some partners are cool with getting right to it, or some require a bit of foreplay to get into the mood for anything more. Some people may even have some serious trauma from their past, and need extra care in order to feel comfortable. Everyone’s pleasure speeds are vastly different.

Patience is important because sex can be awkward, something weird will inevitably happen. Maybe a stray pube has become permanently attached to your lip, you accidentally kick your partner in the face while switching positions, or maybe you got caught up in the moment and accidentally pass some gas. We’re all human, and humans are accident-prone.

Realizing that stuff happens and rolling with it without judgement is paramount to making sex magical. Funny things happen and having the ability to laugh about it and simply move on is probably one of the most attractive qualities to me. Patience and graciousness with yourself and your partner is genuinely sexy.

To give is to receive, there is no difference.

There’s nothing sexier than being with someone who aims to please. Some people are natural givers, and god bless them. It’s incredibly sexy when someone is there just to please you. Their pleasure doesn’t always have to be about orgasm, their pleasure correlates to your own. They know the more they give, the more they receive.

It doesn’t always have to work that way, you can make it into a game and take turns being the star player. Sex is much better when there is a give and take, no matter your position. It is also a nice surprise when someone chooses to focus all their energy on you.

Explore the universe without ever leaving your bedroom

In relationships, sex can occasionally dwindle. It’s a perfectly normal thing that can happen when daily stresses start to become prevalent. Spicing things up can be the key to connecting with our partners on a newer, fresher level, as well as bring us together when we need it the most.

Vanilla sex is fine, but after some time it can get a bit stale. Exploring your pleasure together is a way to keep the candle lit. Find a new kink together! Experiment some new methods! Buy a Kama Sutra book and get the ball rolling. The only limits you have are your own. Adventure is the spice of life, and there’s no better way to explore than with a willing partner.

In conclusion, there are many ways to enhance your sex life and bring a bit more magic into the bedroom. If you enjoyed this post, please be sure to subscribe to my blog for more, and share this post with your friends who would enjoy it. Or even send it to your partner and see what you can do to have more magical sex together.

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Demitri Wylde

Sex educator on a mission to help you understand topics around sex, dating, and relationships. linktr.ee/demitriwylde